she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
