Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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