I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
