sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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