Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize