He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
