Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
