woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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