remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
