I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you never un-have a 4some
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
