I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The beer is more important than you right now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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