it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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