Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
