Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
