If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
