HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
