Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
