i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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