Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
