Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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