I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
