I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
