party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
