so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wear drunk well.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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