I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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