Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
