I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
