How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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