...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm both gender and math confused
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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