did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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