is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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