Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is Oprah even human
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
