i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
