Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
