Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
