what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
