Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
