He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
