All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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