I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
