It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
