At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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