My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
