I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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