Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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