I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
