Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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