So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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