Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
