you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
