Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
