I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
