Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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