R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
