so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my sisters under your porch take her home
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
