She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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