I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
