you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He passed out mid-signature
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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