Moan for me like Helen Keller
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize