Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
