She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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