you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
