put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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