omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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