im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
