I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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