i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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