gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
