Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
