You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
