just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
