i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
